The Love Guru

I saw The Love Guru the other night at the local Cinema 10 (otherwise known at the Pecanland mall theater). I want to make it clear that I did not want to see this movie, I only saw it because I needed to write a review for a movie and really did not want to see The Happening with Joe and John. So basically I went into this movie with the sole purpose of writing a review for it later. Even though I had heard negative reviews about the movie, I went into with an open mind and an open heart. I loved the Austin Powers trilogy and I was willing to give Mike Myers a shot to prove to me that he was still funny.

The movie was scheduled to begin at 7:20 and I walked in at 7:30ish expecting to see the opening credits, instead I got a black screen that showed the movie for a split second. I immediately regretted spending the $4.50 it cost me to get a ticket for this even more than I did already. I waited patiently with the other 6 people in my theater for the movie to reappear. I told myself that at 8:00 I was going to get up and ask for a refund, but of course as I was getting up, the movie finally appears on the screen. This already had me in a less than happy mood, but I tried, I swear I tried to give this movie a real chance.

A brief plot synopsis: A self help specialist or "guru" from India (Mike Myers) is summoned by the Toronto Maple Leafs and their owner (Jessica Alba) in order to help their star player regain his confidence so that they can win the Stanley Cup. Yes, it is partly a sports movie, who knew? In order to regain to help the superstar regain his swagger, the "guru" is given the task of reuniting the superstar and his former girlfriend, who currently dating the goalie of the opposing team (Timberlake).

Now, as I watched the movie, I took some notes by keeping count of certain things in the movie. And now I present to you my in-depth and highly scientific notes taken during The Love Guru,

-3 half-chuckles
-2 chuckles
-2 laughs
-1 lol omg that was legitimately funny moment (this was provided by Steven Colbert's character)
-6 idiotic celebrity cameos including Val Kilmer, Jessica Simpson, some lady from Law and Order, Oprah, Mike Myers, and Kanye West, all playing themselves.
-5 fart jokes
-1 career dying in front of my eyes (Myers)
-1 Driving Mrs. Daisy reference (who the fuck in their target audience were they expecting to catch this???)
-1 celeb I was disappointed in (Colbert, until he provided me with the aforementioned moment)
-1 "damn Jessica Alba is HOT" moment (which was disappointing, I was expecting at least 3)
-2 fucking elephants
-1 Steve Miller Band sing-along (WTF????)

So as you can see this movie nearly had it all!..., or not. This movie seemed like it was made by a 13 year old kid who was trying to make a movie that his 18 year old brother would find funny. The movie was filled with stupidity but it did not make me angry. Instead I just felt sad watching Mike Myers trying to be funny. It was pitiful really. The script was bad, the delivery was worse, which spells disaster for a comedy in which script and delivery are highly important. The Love Guru was a complete mess of movie and really a poor showing from everyone involved.

2.5/10