Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem

If this movie were a meal, it would be a shit sandwich.
If this movie were an organ, it would be an appendix.
If this movie were a person, it would be Carlos Mencia.
If this movie were a movie, it would be awful.
Lucky for me and a hand-full of blissfully optimistic movie-goers, AVP-R is, in my expert opinion, not a movie at all. It was a theatrical joke. You see, if you waltz into your local cineplex expecting some brilliant cinematography, capital acting, and unprecedented plot-twists then you're going to slump out feeling sick to your stomach (perhaps the movie would have done better if, after your exit from the movie plaza, a predalien exploded from your chest. You would probably die, but you would die with some sense of finality and accomplishment.) No, you must enter the film expecting it for what it is, a two-dollar snuff film as anti-climactic as a still-born rhinoceros. Aside from some crap of a "twist" ending involving a Mrs. Utani (that left all six members of the audience scratching their heads), the picture was as predictable as the PredAlien's head was big.
Oh yeah, if you're into it for the action, the majority of the film takes place at midnight in a storm in city with a power outage, so bring your nightvision goggles.

As a movie, 1/10
As a joke, 4/10